marco paz's

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dear luz,

today is your 27th birthday but your first as a married woman. it's been an amazing last year, filled with many changes, ranging from new homes and churches, to finding, being courted by, engaged and married to a wonderful man. as you have gotten your birthday wish of snow and an actual present is going to be shipped to your home once i am done writing, i wanted to stop and thank you.

i don't think i have expressed my thankfulness to you as often as i'd like. you have been there for me when others have not, your gentleness has strengthened me when i was weak, your thoughtfulnesss in small ways like listening to me cry when i experienced a break up, you calling me up to reminise about silly times, you have given me an insight into the complicated world of women, which the women in my life will be the beneficaries of the knowledge you have given to me. seriously though, you have become the sibling i have always desired and much more.

as your brother, i have seen you grow into a beautiful and godly woman. it has not been an easy road for you to embark on, but you have become strong where others would feel weakness. we did not always have the strong relationship that we have now, but it is through pain and joy that we have become closer.

i wish that i could be spending your birthday with you in the snow, but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers on this day and ohers as well. the following pictures bring a smile to my face as i think about the many adventures we have gone on together.

thank you for being a great and loving sister who has pointed me back to the Gospel through your actions and words through the years. i look forward to seeing what God has in store for you in the future. i am confident it is great things, because He loves you more than i ever could.

your brudder,

paz

    I do not ask to see the way
    My feet will have to tread;
    But only that my soul may feed
    Upon the living Bread.
    'Tis better far that I should walk
    By faith close to His side;
    I may not know the way I go, but oh, I know my Guide.

    Chorus:
    His love can never fail, His love can never fail,
    My soul is satisfied to know His love can never fail.
    My soul is satisfied to know His love can never fail.

    And if my feet would go astray,
    They cannot, for I know
    That Jesus guides my falt'ring steps,
    As joyfully I go.
    And though I may not see His face,
    My faith is strong and clear,
    That in each hour of sore distress
    My Savior will be near.

    I will not fear, though darkness come
    Abroad o'er all the land,
    If I may only feel the touch
    Of His own loving hand.
    And though I tremble when I think
    How weak I am, and frail,
    My soul is satisfied to know
    His love can never fail.

    from All I Owe, released 07 November 2006
    Words: E.S. Hall
    Music: Christopher Miner
    ©2004 Christopher Miner Music.

(I wrote this two years ago, but I think the point is still valid. -paz)

I squinted at the clock, it was only 8 am but it felt much earlier due to the lack of sleep I had received the night before. My roommate and I were driving to church and it seemed like the Sunday was like the Sundays that preceded this one. However, we were listening to Christian radio which we have not done before. As someone who was born and raised in the church, I have grown to dislike the Christian culture that is in America. But that's for another topic for another time. My roommate on the other hand, had not been raised in a Christian home and God regenerated his heart two years ago. It's been encouraging to see that he not become cynical or jaded towards the Christian movement like I have. The radio show we were listening to was conducting an interview with an author of a book who was claiming that America was going down in flames and it could be prevented by people falling on their knees and pleading with the Lord for America but also repenting for their sins.

As much as I tried to forget about this author's passionate plea, I think he raised some valid points but overall, I believe he is wrong. And today of all days, illustrates why I believe this author has missed the point. Today, we are going to be celebrating the two hundred and thirty-fourth celebration of America's independence from Great Britain. it is a day filled with watermelon, fireworks but more importantly, expressing our gratefulness to our Creator for allowing us to be free. I think that this last point can be missed in the joy of the holiday. There are many gifts that God has given to our country that we take for granted on a daily basis, we must remember that it is God who has given them to us. However, our country is constantly changing, with this change comes new struggles. I don't think they are new for humanity but I think they are struggles that have always been prevalent in society, the problem is that all men, women and children have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

If we were to look back in history, we can see that history tends to repeat itself. Almost like a record player that is broken and is repeating a section of a song over and over again. Man continues to sin could be this song, but I think there's more to it. Man continues to sin but God is faithful and continues to open the hearts of sinful man. Ultimately, we will never create a depravity void society, because we are all decedents of Adam. We cannot change God's mind or will, because we are not God! One of my favorite quotes by C.S. Lewis is the following, "I don't pray because it changes God, I pray because it changes me." God is not one who is distant or far off, He is active and continues to work in the lives of people across our world, not just in America. I am sad that this author was met with resounding approval from the talk show hosts, because I think this author as well intention he might be, is preaching the wrong message to people following Christ. It was Christ himself who told His first followers, "In this world you will have trials, but take heart, I have overcome the world." Jesus has met our greatest need in this life which wasn't solving world peace, establishing the definition of marriage, stopping unborn children from being murdered, all of these are noble things but He came to save sinners.

It is difficult to recall the faithfulness of God in our daily lives, because we can lose our gaze from off our perfect Savior and onto our sinful selves. I know, because I struggle with it too. However, I think one of the greatest examples of God's faithfulness is a tree. God who created the tree, knows that in order for a tree to be sustained and continued on with life, the tree must have sunlight and rain. In Arizona, we do not have the rain but we have the sunlight. The sun will continue to shine, until God allows the sun to burn no more. Another way is that in the winter months (to us Arizonans, when it's less than seventy degrees outside) the trees must die in order to live. God is the one who knows this and allows it to happen according to His will.

So when we join our friends and family today, let us gather together and instead of filling up our chests with pride of a love for America, let us recount the faithfulness of our Lord. He is the one who worked on the hearts and minds of our forefathers, giving them the ideals for our country, He is the one who protected us from two world wars. But more importantly, He continues to call men and women to repent from their sins and trust Jesus Christ.

when the fields are dry, and the winter is long
blessed are the meek, the hungry, the poor
when my soul is downcast and voice has no song

for mercy, for comfort, I wait on the Lord

in the harvest feast or fallow ground
my certain hope is in Jesus found
my lot, my cup, my portion sure
whatever comes, we shall endure
whatever comes, we shall endure

on a cross of wood, His blood was outpoured
He rose from the ground, like a bird to the sky
bringing peace to our violence, and crushing death's door
our Marker incarnate, our God who provides

come, oh come, Emmanuel
come, oh, come, Emmanuel

when the earth beneath me crumbles and quakes
not a sparrow falls, nor a hair from my head
without His hand to guide me, my shield and my strength
in joy or in sorrow, in life or in death

our father looks in love
at his handiwork
your fingers, your tears
formed in the hands of love

hope in the light
repent in the darkness
the sun will rise
oh, the son will rise.

our doubts cannot run past grace
with open arms, he pursues, pursues
he does not grow tired
he will not give up on you

the cross held the stains, not the man
the tomb held the linens, not the promised one
the king will return, all will be well

flee from death
embrace life's open arms
he will hold you
and will never let you go.

(i am taking a week long break from email, facebook, twitter, etc. if you need to get a hold of me, i'll still have my phone on. i wrote this while in the airport yesterday)

i am sitting in the airport, awaiting my flight to seattle for my final spring break as a college student. i felt like a child on christmas eve last night as i continually woke up checking my cell phone to see if it was time to leave or not. i'm very excited about this trip because i'm going to see friends i haven't seen in years but also spend quality time with my older sister who is currently in the midst of wedding planning. i am also excited about this trip because i have been very stressed and discouraged lately which has caused me to be more aware of my need for Jesus but also my battle with depression caused me to enter in a temporary time of darkness.

in the times of dark depression where i struggle to find joy, it is difficult to see how this is an experience that is part of God "working all things together for our good." my struggle with depression took on some new lows over the last month, as i truly felt beat down and downtrodden. slowly and graciously, God pulled me out of this time, it was like in the sky after a storm takes place and the sun is piercing through the storm clouds.  a quote by oswald chambers that has been floating around the online communities i read,  helped me put this trial into perspective: "Before God can use a man great, he must wound him deeply."  this quote has not left my head for a couple of weeks now.

as someone who calls himself a christian, i am saying to the world around me and myself, my life and identity belongs to Jesus and that i am a child of God. one of the difficult and areas i don't fully understand of my new life is being disciplined by my heavenly father. many times recently i have cried aloud to my Father asking him why is this trial taking place, because it hurts like hell. however, what i am finding out more and more is that it is through his discipline, he shows his love for me. he is doing it to show me how deep his love for me, because he had to discipline the One who went through so much more pain and suffering than i will ever receive. i recently re-read this verse in hebrews which really put things into perspective:

Have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.”
It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?

--Hebrews 12:5-7 ESV

 
here's a couple of things that i am planning on doing while i'm on vacation:

-stay offline
confession: i'm online all the time. it is like i have an iv to the internet hooked up to my arm at all hours of the day. since i do not watch a lot of television, the internet is my way of unwinding and letting my mind relax and recharge. in order to  truly enjoy my time while i'm gone, i am going to be offline from email and social media. it is going to be hard but i think it will be rewarding. it is only for one week, but i think it is a small step in being able to being able to use my time better.  in the times that i will be offline, i hope to accomplish the following things:

rest: the combination of stress and depression has caused me not to sleep well in the evening and be a tense indivdual. i hope to recharge and relax while i'm up there in seattle.

laugh: i try to laugh often and frequently, however i have not lately. it might seem like a trite goal to force myself to laugh, but forcing myself to loosen up and have joy has become difficult, but slowly but surely, God is working inside of me to show its okay to laugh and have fun. i think Nietzsche said it best when he said the following: “Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter.”

drink: all good things come from Above, including what we drink. i've been told there alot of good places to get a great cup of tea, coffee and a pint. i am eager to see what seattle has to offer in these categories.
 
read: i love books, but have not made time to sit down and enjoy a good book. so since i'm going to be offline, i brought three books that i hope to read page to page while i am gone this week.

Jeeves omnibus
pg wodehouse has a way with words that has always made me laugh, no matter what i am experiencing. i picked up this book for $2 at goodwill recently and i think the inscription that someone left in the front of the book that puts it nicely, "...Enjoy, it's okay to laugh outloud."

John Newton: From Disgrace To Amazing Grace
i love reading biographies and i've benefited greatly from mr. newton's writing time and time again, not just his hymns. i know his story, but i have not read this particular biography on him.

A Million Miles In A Thousand Years- Donald Miller
another confession: i have a literary crush on don miller. i love his down to earth writing style and storytelling ability. two areas i wish to grow in my life. i've heard great things about this book and i cannot wait to read it.

think: i know this sounds silly, but in the hussel and bussel of life, it's good to think and reflect where you've been, in order to prepare for where you are going. as an upcoming college graduate, i am going in an unknown world when i graduate. there are many things that God has brought me through and it is to make into the man i am today, but also preparing me for the man i will be.

play:  how is it that as adults, we think that only children are allowed to have time to play? i do think there should be time set aside for recreation, but finding the opportunity to do so, is hard. instead of engaging in child-like playing, my sister fiance is a gamer. not video games, but board games. on saturdays, they go to a game store and play board games for most of the evening. i am pumped about this, because play time has been neglected.

dream: i like..er love to dream. dreaming is a good way for me to allow my imagination to unwind and unravel. but also, it helps me put into perspective many things i feel passionate about. many times they are unrealistic, but slowly, i am trying to dream realistic dreams.

jesus time: in my times of stress and depression, my prayer life has grown, my scripture reading life has not. they are to go hand in hand, and as someone who says that i want to be a teacher of God's word, i am to be consistent about my time with Him, not just speaking, but also listening to his word.

please be praying for me as i embark on this week, it's going to be a great week as i gain excitement with each passing moment, pray that i find my rest and joy in Christ, but that also i am a blessing to everyone i'm up here.

grace, peace and love to all,

paz